AGA Toolkit '97/The AGA Toolkit '97.iso/workbench/blanker/swazblankerv2.40/blankers/data/quotes/reddwarf

Text File | 1996-09-07 | 9KB | 297 lines

\* QUOTES FILE
\* Red Dwarf quotes
\*
%%
1.1 The End  - Show begins
1.2 Future Echoes - Stuff from future
1.3 Balance of Power - Lister tries to be a chef
1.4 Waiting for God - Lots of Cat stuff here
1.5 Confidence & Paranoia - Lister hallucinates 2 people
1.6 Me^2 - There are two Rimmers
%FROM Series One (Rundown)
%%
2.1 Kryten - We first meet Kryten
2.2 Better Than Life - Videogame that's 'Better Than Life'
2.3 Thanks 4 The Memory - Lister Gives Rimmer some of his memory
2.4 Stasis Leak - The crew goes back in time in the ship
2.5 Queeg - Holly loses the ship to another computer
2.6 Parallel Universe - We meet female versions of the crew
%FROM Series Two (Rundown)
%%
3.1 Backwards - Crew goes to Earth, and everything is backwards
3.2 Marooned - Lister & Rimmer are marooned on an ice planet
3.3 Polymorph - Shapeshifter that can drain emotions
3.4 Mind Swap - Lister & Rimmer change minds
3.5 Timeslides - Lister becomes the richest person ever
3.6 The Last Day - Kryten's replacement arrives
%FROM Series Three (Rundown)
%%
4.1 Camille - Kryten falls in love with another android
4.2 D.N.A. - A DNA changing machine is found
4.3 Justice - Crew finds a pod with a killer in it
4.4 White Hole - Return of Toaster; Time changing story
4.5 Dimension Jump - Ace Rimmer appears.
4.6 Meltdown - Crew lands on a waxwork world
%FROM Series Four (Rundown)
%%
5.1 Holoship - Rimmer tries to get on a hologram ship
5.2 The Inquisitor - Crew must prove worthy people or die
5.3 Terrorform - Crew explores inside Rimmer's mind
5.4 Quarantine - Rimmer holds the crew in quarantine
5.5 Demons & Angels - We meet good and bad versions of crew
5.6 Back to Reality - The crew get different personalities
%FROM Series Five (Rundown)
%%
Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted teacake?
%FROM White Hole
%BY Talkie Toaster
%%
Rimmer directive 271 states:
No chance you metal bastard!
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
I resent the implication that I am a one dimensional bread obsessed electrical appliance.
%FROM White Hole
%BY Talkie Toaster
%%
Better to have loved and lost, than to have listened to an album by Olivia Newton John
%FROM Stasis Leak
%BY Holly
%%
Will you relax, I've seen gerbel face play down in the recreation room hes a deaver.
^He can knock those stripy balls round the table all night long, and I tell you what:

I've never once seen him loose a single ball down one of those holes!
%FROM White Hole
%BY Cat
%%
I'm fine thank you Suzan
%FROM White Hole
%BY Kryten
%%
I toast, therefore I am
%FROM ?
%BY Talkie Toaster
%%
You cant have my shiny thing!
%FROM ? Confidence & Paranoia | Qweeg
%BY Cat
%%
When in Rome do as the Snamor do.
%FROM Backwards
%BY Dave Lister
%%
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
%FROM ?
%BY Cat
%%
Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit.  Im Alive!
%FROM Timeslides
%BY Arnold Rimmer (just before he explodes)
%%
Smoke me a kipper, skipper, Ill be back for breakfast!
%FROM Dimension Jump
%BY Ace Rimmer
%%
Dehydration - 34%, Recollection of previous evening - 2%, Eembaressment factor - 91%.
^Advise repair schedule:- off line for 36 hours, re-boot startup disk, and replace head
 ... WOW, what a night!
%FROM The Last Day
%BY Kryten
%%
Were on a mining ship, 3 million years into deep space. Can someone explain to me where
^the smeg I got this traffic cone?
%FROM The Last Day
%BY Dave Lister
%%
Shouldnt this cable go somewhere?
%FROM Qweeg
%BY Dave Lister
%%
Ahead groove factor 5! Yeah!
%FROM Thanks for the Memory
%BY Holly
%%
Im going to eat you little fishie!
Im going to eat you little fishie!
cos I like little fish!
%FROM Better than Life
%BY Cat
%%
Kryten personal black box recording. Time unknown. Location unknown. Cause of accident unknown.
^Should someone find this recording i hope it will shed light as to what happened here.
%FROM Terrorform
%BY Kryten
%%
Hello.  Kryten in danger.  No time to explain.  Follow.
%FROM Terrorform
%BY Krytens hand
%%
I cant think straight.  Ive got a taranshula with an eye the size of a meatball setting up
^home in my joy department. Help me.
%FROM Terrorform
%BY Dave Lister
%%
Im sorry. I must seem very ignorant. I hardly said anything, apart from `Geronimo`
%FROM Holloship
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
Better to have loved and lost, than to have listened to an album by Olivia Newton John
%FROM Stasis Leak
%BY Holly
%%
I know emotionly that probably isnt the news you want to hear right now but there
^is a blob on the scannerscope the size of New Mexico and its heading your way.
%FROM Back to Reality
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
You forgot Rimmer's Rule: Never fight anything with more teeth than the entire Osmond family
%FROM Polymorph
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
My god, his head's burst!
%FROM Justice World
%BY Cat
%%
That's rich coming from Miss Yo-yo knickers.
%FROM Parallel Universe
%BY Dave Lister ( to his female counterpart )
%%
Cat: Look at my hands, I had lovely hands.

Lister: Well wear the smegging gloves!

Cat: (picking up gloves) Marigold with blue?  Are you crazy?
%FROM Queeg
%BY Cat and Dave Lister
%%
Lister, if two people came to you  for a job, and one of them's dead, which one would you choose?
%FROM ?
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
The way the light catches the angles of your head ...... most enchanting.
%FROM Camille
%BY Kryten ( to Camille )
%%
I'm not pished.
%FROM White Hole
%BY Dave Lister ( asserting he wasn't drunk )
%%
Of course..... lager..... the only thing that can kill a vindaloo.
%FROM DNA
%BY Dave Lister ( fighting the vindaloo monster )
%%
Isn't it about this time your head goes back to the lab for re-chewing?
%FROM The Last Day
%BY Arnold Rimmer
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Oxygen's for losers!
%FROM Confidence and Paranoia
%BY Confidence
%%
Kryten: They've taken Mr Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!

Cat: Quick!  Let's get out of here before they bring him back.
%FROM Holoship
%BY Kryten and Cat
%%
You make love like a Japanese meal
- small portions but SO many courses.
%FROM Holoship
%BY Nirvana ( to Arnold Rimmer )
%%
Rimmer, they're a bunch of arrogant, pompous, emotionally wierd, stuck up megalomaniacs...
^do you really think you'll fit in with them? What am I saying? .... Bon Voyage!
%FROM Holoship
%BY Dave Lister
%%
But, I just want to say, over the years, I have come to regard you as...people I met.
%FROM Holoship
%BY Arnold Rimmer ( making his goodbyes )
%%
Excuse me, could I please just distract you for one brief second?
%FROM Inquisitor
%BY Kryten ( distracting the Inquisitor )
%%
I may be a shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass!
%FROM Inquisitor
%BY Cat
%%
You're as much use as a condom machine at the Vatican
%FROM Queeg
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
Rimmer: You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign of trouble, you always look out for
^Number One, you're vain, you're narcissistic and you're self-obssessed.

Cat: Hey, you just listed all my best features!
%FROM ?
%BY Arnold Rimmer and Cat
%%
You must remember that he is operating on a completely different level to us now.  To him, we are the
^mental equivalent of domestic science teachers.
%FROM Holoship
%BY Kryten ( describing Rimmer with mind implants )
%%
Kryten: That is the Inquisitor.  He prunes away the waste, expunges the wretched, and deletes the worthless.

Rimmer: We're in big trouble.
%FROM Inquisitor
%BY Kryten and Rimmer
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You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard and 4 people committed suicide!
%FROM Inquisitor
%BY Dave Lister ( trying to persuade Rimmer that he knows him )
%%
Sir - a couple of brief points:

Firstly, you're not a qualified service engineer, and consequently, sawing me in two will invalidate my guarantee.

Secondly, I wouldn't trust you to open a can of sardines that was already open.
%FROM Terrorform
%BY Kryten
%%
Well if it's not serious when your genitals can go off wandering on their own. I'd like to know what is!
%FROM Queeg
%BY Arnold Rimmer
%%
Hang five guys. I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he committed  suicide, he committed
^suicide, the fish committed suicide. There is some kind of link here I can't quite grasp it!
%FROM Back to Reality
%BY Cat
%%
It's the old, old story:
^Droid meets Droid,
^Droid becomes Chameleon,
^Droid loses Chameleon,
^Chameleon turns into Blob,
^Droid gets Blob back again,
^Blob meets Blob,
^Blob goes off with Blob,
^and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid.
^How many times have we seen that story!?
%FROM Camille
%BY Kryten
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Howdy doodly do. Howsit going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster your chipy breakfast companion.
^Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?
%FROM White Hole
%BY Talkie Toaster
%%
I've never been to Earth before, I've only seen it on photographs. It's exactly like
^I always imagined, only much shorter.
%FROM Backwards
%BY Kryten
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Personally, I thought it started well but fell apart. All that stuff with the ducks all getting into trouble,
^that was great.  Then it all went black and white and I fell asleep.
%FROM Holloship
%BY Cat
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A superlative suggestion sir, with just two minor flaws One, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we
^don't have any defensive shields.  Now I realise that technically speaking that's only one flaw but I thought
^it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.
%FROM Holloship
%BY Kryten
%%